I wonder if Playboy would be interested, or even able, to look at my horribly disfigured body today without being revolted by it.

It's amazing how cruel people can be without meaning to, or even realizing they are doing irrevocable damage to a person's whole state of being.

I knew I was flat chested from a very early age. This fact was pointed out to me time and time again, by classmates, friends, and even family members. I could never find a bra to fit me. The T-shirt type AAA's were so saggy on me that I resorted to stuffing them with whatever I could find at hand. The end result was always a lumpy, albeit larger, version of an extremely flat-chested girl.

I had heard all the jokes:"Would you like a medal or a chest to pin it on?" And another that is embedded in my memory, "Are you a pirate, because you sure have a sunken chest."

After years of ribbing and hiding from the other girls while showering after gym-class, you can just imagine how thrilled I was to learn, in 1980, of a procedure that would make me look absolutely normal; that this procedure was 100% safe; and my new breasts would last a lifetime!

When I moved to Texas in 1970, I had huge aspirations of acting, modeling, singing, dancing, and really wanted to do anything I could in show business. I had just finished college at a conservative, fundamentalist Christian school. I was told I was extremely talented and I believed I was ready to face the world in a big way.

I started modeling immediately, doing mostly print work, commercials, and voiceovers. I entered a talent contest and won first place singing playing a country western song. Part of the prize was a chance to record.

Show business was not really new to me, I had been performing on the Chicago Gospel Hour and was in many productions in high school and college.

I was asked to join a band, so I hired an agent/manager. His first piece of advice to me was,"Get a breastjob,immediately!"I had never     heard of implants before this and called immediately to make an appointment with a noted Texas plastic surgeon. I was informed that my breast could be made to look "perfect".This doctor said he would size them to be proportionate with my body. The procedure would be fast and easy and could all be done as outpatient surgery.

No more "flatsy" jokes! My clotheswould finally fit me properly. My surgeon informed me that he could make my breast normal with these safe, FDA approved implants that would last forever.

A onetime investment and my breast would never sag, no interference with breast-feeding and they would be so natural looking that no one would ever know I wasn't born with them.

I was so sold on the idea of having normal beautiful breast with no hassie, that I told everyone I knew that I has having the procedure performed. The   surgeon was right, my breasts turned out perfect!   There was just a small amount of pain and discomfort, but the result was so fantastic I barely even thought about the pain.

  After a week I had the stitches removed and was told to continue wearing a support bra. I was told to massage my breasts daily to insure a certain softness. Three weeks later my breasts were so large, painful, and hard that I had to go back to   the surgeons office where he squeezed each breast with both hands until the scar tissue was broken loose. Tears were strearnings down my face. This was horrible, demeaning and excruciatingly painful.I vowed never to let any doctor perform this     procedure on me again, even if my breasts turned rock hard!

  In 1980 I joined the J.C. Farris band and went on the road performing. I thought I looked terrific. I had begun, however, to develop strange allergic reactions to things.

Smells bothered me and I wasn't able to walk   barefoot in the grass or ocean without breaking out in horrible rases. My face, arms and legs and the palms of my hands would break out in ugly blistery red bumps.

I started losing my voice a lot and I developed the flu and colds frequently. When the band disbanded I went home (to my parents) to recuperate. I made an appointment with my family practitioner because of my allergy problems and the sinusitis which developed continuously.

I seemed to be doing better for awhile and decided to put together my own band. I did all the booking, managing, marketing for the band and was still modeling as well. Ourfirst gig was at the Mint Casino in Las Vegas. We were hot! We had lines out into the casino, people were waiting to get a seat for our show.

I developed a horrible throat infection and couldn't sing. I went to see a throat specialist who was mystified by my condition and could only prescribe rest and cough syrup. I was allergic to the codeine in the cough syrup (I never had been before) and   became violently ill. I itched so badly and I   scratched myself continuously. I vomited   repeatedly. The show could not go on for two days.

In addition I had developed a bad case of insomnia. I couldn't understand it, I had never had trouble sleeping before. I was always the kind of person who could sleep standing up if I needed to. I lay in my hotel bed wide awake with my body kind of buzzing and burning all over. I was becoming increasingly moody over the situation and decided to make a change.

Following the advice of the,,, Stephan Agency (manager to many big name bands) I fired all the musicians and went to Seattle, hired another band and started rehearsals. This time I put the singing burden on other members of the band, rather than singing all the numbers myself. I was becoming thinner and sicker with a flu-like illness that wouldn't go away.

Our first gig with the new band was in Alaska. While in Alaska I became suicidal and tried to kill myself. I was so sick all the time and was unable to play, the piano or sing.

I couldn't understand it, I was doing all the right things, eating right, exercise, drinking a lot of hot tea with lemon, but nothing seem to work. Alas, we were fired! I was unable to sing at all and the club wanted me, not my band. I couldn't blame them, I   was a total mess both physically and emotionally. I wasn't able to talk above a whisper, I was allergic to everything and I was sick of being sick!

I went back home to Mom and Dad's yet again and rested. Here, I decided to concentrate more on my modeling and acting career. I began to have additional health problems; heavy menstrual periods, sometimes lasting for three weeks. I went to  the emergency room, they were convinced I was having a miscarriage. I told the staff repeatedly that this was an impossibility, but given the amount of blood they were seeing they insisted upon giving me a pregnancy test (which of course turned out negative).

Once again the doctors were at a !oss as to the   origin of all my problems and offered no treatment.

The pain was so severe during this time that I can only describe it as equal to childbirth. It feels as if I'm in labor. I still suffer with this problem and have had many tests performed to find the cause. Endometriosis was suspected until a laparoscopy proved otherwise. Finally a biopsy of my uterus was taken and revealed a giant cell foreign body reaction with an unidentifiable blackish pigment. Well, wonder where that came from ...leaking silicone implants! Silicone in my uterus! Who would ever suspect such an occurrence since all the manufacturers declared silicone to be biologically inert?

My joints had developed arthritis and I was having a lot of pain with walking. Sometimes playing the piano was simply not an option. I was 23 years old and a physical.wreck! How could this have happened to me,I scarched for answers.

I met a me medical student at Baylor who began to oversee my treatment. We tried many different over the counter drugs and NSAIDS to combat my fatigue, arthritis, rashes and insomnia. I looked for work and would find a job but would only be able to work a few weeks out of the year.

In 1984 (four years after implants) I had to go to the emergency room because my knees were so swollen and painful and I was unable to walk. The interns drained my left knee and took chest x-rays. I had been experiencing a deep ache in my chest and the     doctors thought it might be pleurisy. Of course     no one could figure out what the real problem was so I was diagnosed with arthritis, given NSAIDS, and sent home to suffer. What I really had was a full blown case of atypical lupus, caused by leaking breast implants!

I was so tired and weak all the time that there were few times when I could go to work, and when I did I was debilitated and devastated the next week with severe pain and flu like symptoms. Over the pat seventeen and one-half years I have been diagnosed with lupus, multiple sclerosis, pleurisy, asthma, polyneuropathy, polymyositis, rheumatoid arthritis, and more.

When my implants were removed in 1994, they were two completely different sizes and a lot smaller than when they were originally inserted back in 1980. They had leaked silicone into my body and it had traveled to my major organs including my brain (which causes me to have grand mal seizures) I'm told there is no way to remove al the silicone.

I think back to the day when I was implanted and know there was no mention of the possibility of breast implants leaking, or that they could cause illness and disease. When I read the internal memos which talk about silicone implants causing severe autoimmune illness and cancer in rats, I became furious! I feel I have given my health and my life so that these companies could use me as a guinea pig, a lab rat to be sacrificed so that they could make a buck.

I'm not a lab animal, nor is my six year-old daughter who has lupus-like symptoms and is very ill. We will both die from our illness and I'm quite convinced that the implant manufacturers would like nothing better than for us, all of us, to die and go away where we will be silent and they wil be free to continue selling their so-called "safe and effective" product.

It is amazing that money can buy any kind of researsh you want. We'er just women and children, we are expendable to them. Before my daughter and I die we would like to see justice prevail! Put them in jail for fraud, for murder, for misrepresentation.